The messy part, four...

Source: Uploaded by user via Natalie on Pinterest

I could share with you the horrors of Damn Clomid – the side effects, the out-of-my-mind madness, the mood swings, etc., but you can find out about all of that here. Basically, any side effect that there is, I had it. It’s hard to remember much of the Damn Clomid time because I truly didn’t feel like myself. My memory earmarks it due to dates: anniversary, 33rd birthday, Halloween, trips to visit clients and Thanksgiving. My main regrets with this medication is that one, time is precious and it was time wasted, and two, the long term effects are just not worth it. Enough about Damn Clomid…

We took a welcome break from medically trying from Thanksgiving to New Years and my goodness, it was wonderful! We made the decision to see one of Oklahoma’s highest regarded fertility specialist in January, there were no meds currently involved and let’s be honest, we were free to be merry as much as we chose (wine, happy hours, celebrations, food, relaxing).

January came sooner than expected, as it always does. We met with the doctor and loved his gentle nature, his supportive nurse and his game plan. As he put it, we were to enjoy being married and he’d worry about the baby stuff. Finally! Someone who understood what we were going through and was willing to carry our burden. Things were finally looking up. We deemed 2011 a year of change, excitement and happiness.

Part five: new year, new beginnings.

Stop and stare

Gazebo at Duke Gardens

Being in Durham allows us to stop and notice things. Our minds aren't filled with obligations or questions, rather possibilities and enchantment. It's rather lovely, really.

The messy part, three...

Source: inthesesmallmoments.com via Nichole on Pinterest

We didn’t feel the pressure to have children immediately following our wedding. I know so many people who are pressured from the get-go to expand their family.

Before getting married, we decided on our pre-baby bucket list – a year of marriage, buy a house and have stable jobs. It was simple enough and we were content. To be honest, the first two were the only our list initially and the job part came out of necessity, or fate, however you want to look at it.

You see, we were strolling along, enjoying married life and wham bam, life started changing quickly – illnesses, recession-based layoffs and the need to care for loved ones. Naturally, the layoff delayed our home purchase hunt and the caring for others just fit perfectly into this newly acquired free time. This layoff also led me to be available to accept my all-time dream job six months later. First came the job, a month later came the house.

So, job – check, house – check, year of marriage – check! We were good to go, good to “have a baby”. In the back of my mind, I thought we’d be pregnant quickly – three months tops. Three months passed quickly, then six, then nine.

With me being in my early thirties, my doctor advised us to meet with her after six months of trying – optimistically, we delayed until nine. I did so, where a lovely PA who knew nothing about me or my history examined me, gave me two prescriptions – Metformin and Clomid – and sent me on my way. She said, “That should do it. Have fun!”

Ladies and gentlemen, let me tell you – there was nothing fun about Clomid. Damn Clomid, as I like to call it. This ride was about to turn unexpected. 

Part four: continuing the ride.

Changing seasons

The entrance of Duke Gardens this weekend.

It's hard to imagine that this is our life now - filled with trees of every sort, colors past the rainbow's edge and experiences that we cannot even imagine.

For the first time in my life, I do not have a plan. Usually, I know exactly what my month looks like, vaguely what my year ahead looks like and round-about what lies ahead. Now... now I've got nothing. I plan meals three days in advance, and that's it. I pick my outfits out each morning and couldn't tell you the last time I had a personal to-do list. I admit, I'm kind of digging it.

It feels like...less pressure. Like the changing colors of leaves - life is just happening and together, the Mr. and I are "leaning into it."

Thank you changing seasons and steadfast friend.

(more photos to post soon of our weekend adventure)

Roasted stuffed squash - all good adjectives

I’ll admit it – Durham is a town for foodies. The amazing fare is literally everywhere you turn and you cannot help but be inspired. I knew from the moment we arrived that no matter how tired we were on Saturday, we were going to the Durham Farmer’s Market for some fresh, local goodies.

Naturally, the Market didn’t disappoint. It has an abundance of all-things-local. Meaning, unlike some markets I’ve been to, it has to be locally produced. (Don’t you just hate it when people sell stuff from larger wholesale places?)

Our first DFM-bounty meal included roasted heirloom tomatoes and pasta – yum! It was good, no doubt, but the one below – it takes the cake!

Roasted, stuffed acorn squash with sausage, apples, cornbread & sweet potatoes

Recipe:
Acorn squashes: Our squashes were just a hair bigger than a baseball, so I allotted one whole squash per person. Usually, we make one half per person.

The fillings of your choice: Our favorite is lean sausage and apples. There’s something about the sage of the sausage and the sweet, tartness of the apples that mixes just right.

However, last night, I was HUNGRY, so I searched my pantry for a few more staples. Thankfully, I had cornbread left over from Saturday’s chili night* and a random (red) sweet potato that we purchased at the market.

Cut the squash in half and clean the pulp/seeds out. Lay skin side down on a cookie sheet or in a glass pan. Sprinkle (liberally) salt and pepper and brush with olive oil. Bake at 400 degrees until soft (20-35 minutes, depending on size). If you are going to add potatoes, peel and large dice the potatoes and add to the squash pan. Season the same as the squash.

While the squash bakes, brown three-quarters to one pound of sausage, making sure to really break it up so it is a small crumble. Set aside to cool.

Once the squash (and potatoes) is cooked, remove from the oven and allow to cool a bit. These puppies are going to be hot, hot, hot. Dice one green apple into Chicklet-sized pieces. Add sausage and apples to the pan (that you cooked the sausage in initially) and cook on medium-high for five minutes to warm through. Add ½ teaspoon of thyme (or Herbs de Provence, rosemary or your favorite savory spice) and 3 tablespoons of liquid (I used white cooking wine. You could use wine, apple juice or water) directly to the bottom of the pan, to create a steam and cook for three to five more minutes. Add potatoes and cornbread, stir to combine. Fill squashes and enjoy!

No, these aren’t cooked after they are stuffed, that’s more of a pretty-bowl-thing rather than a cooking vessel. If needed and you don’t want to scoop the squash out while eating, you could easily cook the squash, scoop it out and mix with your “stuffing” before eating it. Whatever floats your boat!

*Cornbread makes the best croutons and filler – and it’s cheap to boot! Cube cooked cornbread, spread it flat on a baking sheet and bake at 300 degrees until dried and crouton-like. I prefer mine to be soft on the inside, so I bake it 15-17 minutes. This “seals” the cornbread and makes it last longer. Try it out!

Twenty-three hours later.

The physical move from the middle of the United States to the East Coast is complete. It all seems like a blur really. It is impossible for me to recall the details of the drive that occurred just a week ago. It’s almost like the last week was so exhausting, so emotional, so intense that my brain has blocked it out. Funny how the brain hides things like that from you.

We’re taking the week to get settled in our new fabulous place. When we decided to move to Durham, we made a conscience effort to really make a 180-degree change from our current life in Oklahoma – from a new house in the suburbs to a 1900’s loft in the city.

I have to admit, so far…we’re digging it.